Two of the kidnappers moments before hauling their victim away

A few months back, the office of the Dead End Daily was given an overhaul.  Walls were painted, new furniture brought in and even a handy water dispenser with a never ending free supply of paper cups was installed.  In short, the office was given new life.  Unfortunately, an unintended and totally unforseen side effect has been a series of attacks and break ins.  Perhaps the attractive blue walls are just to tempting to pass up to the cretins of our city.  Whatever the reason, due to ongoing issues, a security firm was contracted to place a guard on site during the evening hours, which is when most of the violence and criminal activity has been occurring.  With their safety secured, employees could get back to what they do best, bringing the news of Dead End to all of you.

However, during the evening hours of May 7th, a devious plan was hatched with the disturbing goal of abducting the Daily’s own editor, Kahlen Vaniva.  According to the CCTV footage, a woman entered and began to innocently question Kay about placing an ad.  While this was happening, two thugs wearing clown masks, one male and one female, slipped in through the back door.  All at once, violence erupted.  The clowns tazered the unsuspecting editor while a man in a  gorilla mask dashed in the front and  took a bat riddled with spikes to the legs and torso of NPC security guard Barry Bridgewater who had been busy reading comics when the attack began.  Long after the fracas and once he recovered consciousness, Mr. Bridgewater limped his way to the DEMH to receive treatment for his many wounds.

Woman on the couch distracting Kay while kidnappers sneak inside

With Kay attacked,  the woman who had so calmly inquired about an ad called out “Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?”  then hurried out leaving the masked goons to do the dirty work.  They placed a cloth over Kay’s face, then bound her hands and feet with what appeared to be fishing twine before hauling her out of the office and out of view of the cameras.  All that was left was Kay’s zebra striped handbag, its contents scattered across the floor, proof that the vile criminals were interested solely in a kidnapping and not money or the latest iPhone.  Since then there has been no contact with our beloved editor.  She has not responded to multiple text messages nor has she been spotted anywhere within city limits.

While there is no hard evidence to definitively say who is behind this unwarranted attack, the clown masks used by the perpetrators seem to point toward “Uncle” Bob  and his twisted group of hoodlums known as the Static Bandits.  What motive Bob might have after the rather kind and understanding article Kay delivered on him is unclear nor has there yet been any ransom demands though we are holding fast that she is still alive and hoping in earnest she be set free quickly.

The DEPD has been made aware of the abduction of Ms. Vaniva and the CCTV footage of the attack turned over to them to begin their investigation.  If anyone has any information, please contact the DE Daily or the DEPD immediately.  Strong leads will be rewarded monetarily.

Interim Editor’s note: To the people responsible for this, the DE Daily is willing to pay for Kay’s safe return. Please contact me ASAP to discuss.

Vance Clayton, DE Daily Reporter and Interim Editor