Scene in the diner just as police arrived. Ms Xaris on the far left post orgasm. Mr. Coy crouched in front of the counter.

The DEPD has had its hands full in the wake of the Friday night bombing party and has been working through their warrants in an attempt to incapacitate the criminal presence in Dead End and reclaim control of the town.  They’ve gone from the arrests of Dee Geist and Titi to Amanada Fitzgerald and now to Thomas Coy and Sharebear Xaris.  In fact, Ms. Fitzgerald was outside in a police cruiser awaiting her trip to the slammer when officers entered Slim Goodies diner to arrest the romantically entangled pair.  The reasons for the warrants hanging over their heads are lengthy but in short, Ms. Xaris, owner of Sugar Rush Candy shop was wanted for drugs that had been sold out of her store, some weapons charges and public indecency – we’ll get to that.  Mr. Coy, owner of Fresh Foods Market and Butchery was sought for similar weapons and drug charges along with the alleged deaths of three people in his shop and the reselling of human flesh.  Sickening stuff to be sure and, unfortunately, as of press time, we do not have further information as to who the victims were, how they were killed or if the flesh that had been sold belonged to those victims or not.

The 5-0 rolling in

Needless to say, when officers spotted the wanted and potentially dangerous duo, they moved inside the diner, in force and were met by owner Madison Montana who was less than thrilled about the antics the lovers had displayed.  It seems just prior to the arrival of the DEPD, led by Lt. Vanora Blackheart, Mr. Coy decided to first knock over a soup tureen and then urinate on the floor.  We can only assume it was a poor attempt to recreate a scene from Fight Club in which Brad Pitt urinates into the tureen, with the soup still in there.  At the same time, the candy girl herself, Ms. Xaris found herself a nice little nook at a table and explored her personal private little nook.  In other words, she masturbated in a quite public fashion, hence the indecency charges tacked on for both of them.

With Sgt. Shade Manx barking orders and Officers Kerri Oakleaf and Cleo Mavendorf assisting, the wanted couple seemed like they would have no choice but to go quietly but in a last ditch effort to prove nothing is ever so easy, Mr. Coy dug his teeth into Ms. Montana’s ankle like some rabid dog until a baton found his back and a heavy boot found his head.  Just to be sure she didn’t decide to use her own teeth in a canine like manner, Ms. Xaris was tazed into submission before the duo was cuffed.  Further inspection of both perps yielded weapons and drugs on their person.  They both currently are held behind bars in the DEPD jail cells awaiting trial for their litany of charges.

Vance Clayton, DE Daily Reporter