With Jail Cells Overflowing, The DA is offering time off for community service.

Recently the eager to arrest DEPD has been out in full force after the recent gang wars and bombings, intent on showing the city they will no longer take things laying down.  Despite numerous car crashes, sub par cruisers, kidnapped Detectives  and attacks at every turn the DEPD has managed to fill the jail cells to over flowing once again!

As a result of this drastic increase the District Attorney Pagan Newport has announced  ” Citywide Clean Up Day!”.  All those who’ve been in trouble with the law, have been issued community service, wish to cut time off of their sentences or simply wish to help make Dead End beautiful are invited to head on down to the police station on Tuesday July 8th to check in.  Once checked in you will be issued an area of the city, an array of plastic bags, gloves and a Day-glo vest to clear your area.  The DEPD does note that should you find evidence of a crime, including bloody clothing, knives or body parts, DO NOT clean them up but instead call 911 and wait for someone to come and take your statement.

More overflowing cells, and not enough beds to go around.

Citizens in need of assistance in removing their rubbish from in front of homes and or businesses simply need to give the DEPD NonEmergency line a call and explain what needs to be collected and when. For example if you have an old washing machine or refrigerator that no longer works, give them a call and several former criminals will pop over to your home or place of business and haul it outside for you! Perfect is it not? Ingenious in fact! Lets put those with too much time on their hands to work For the city instead of Against the city!  Well thought Mr. District Attorney, well thought.

Kahlen Vaniva, DE Daily Editor & Reporter

Please note:  Those handy refrigerator  haulers may or may not be serial rapists, cat burglers, crack addicts or whores working off jail time. What happens behind your closed doors is in no way the fault of the DE Daily, DE DA, or the DEPD. We’re simply looking to clean up the city. If you invite some wackos into your house well, thats all on you.  Peace!