I want to ensure the good citizens of Dead End that despite the recent string of violent incidents at the Diner, Slim Goodies remains a safe, secure place to satisfy your desire for tasty, greasy fare.

– Yes, we were paint bombed.
– Yes, we were attacked by a chainsaw-wielding psycho.
– And yes, our entire security team was nearly wiped out by some knife-throwing douche.

So what? These were clearly isolated incidents – freak occurrences, in fact. They have no bearing on your ability to come here and enjoy a greaseburger in peace.

Before Slims, Deadend was but a stinking shithole without a single business it could be proud of. Now, it can boast the presence of a 5-star, fine dining establishment that is the envy of the culinary world. The diner has infused a much-needed dose of class and dignity to the town.

So don’t turn your back on the Diner now, just because it had a bad week. Show your support. Consume our grease. Pig out on our Twinkies. Think of everything the Diner has done for this town. It is time for you to return the favor. Ask not what the Diner can do for you, but what you can do for the Diner.

Madison Montana

 Note: The demented ravings of Madison Montana certainly don’t speak for those of us at the Daily.  In fact, if Ms. Montana weren’t paying through the nose for this ad we’d not run it at all, and disagree with  her wholeheartedly as there are any number of lovely dining establishments that Don’t offer you food whose claim to fame is all the grease that it holds.  In short.. we’re running the ad because Ms. Crazypants paid us, but we certainly dont subscribe to her spectacular array of bullshit.  Eat where you wanna. We do.  ~The Editor