DE Daily Editor Kahlen Vaniva on her way to donate her aging Vespa

They say no good deed goes unpunished.  Sadly, sometimes, they are right.  Those of you who’ve been in DE long enough, likely have seen Daily Editor Kahlen Vaniva’s golden Vespa at one point or another.  The former blond, now brunette long used the well loved vehicle to zip around town or make deliveries back when she owned the Red Herring.  With the miles adding up, it’s time had come to an end and Mrs. Vaniva sought to donate her old wheels now that the newlywed had been given a safer car .  She was on the bridge, just beyond the Busted Knuckle gas station, en route to the Flame of Truth Homeless Shelter when she was struck by an ice cream truck.  While she received numerous injuries, it was the careless driver of the truck, who lost his life in the accident.

Rescue teams hit the water to find Mr. Softee

Those of you with a hankering for ice cream, (and let’s be honest, who doesn’t have that hankering?), likely got your fix from the Mr. Softee’s truck at one point or another.  At 83 years old, Bill “Mr. Softee” Hill had made it into his life’s work.  His legacy.  Mr. Hill was beholden to his beloved truck, perhaps more so than anyone who’s ever had his ice cream would think was healthy.  Upon spotting the rider with her adorable panda eared helmet, the man jerked the wheel hard and slammed into the guard rail.  Not wearing his seat belt, Mr. Hill was ejected from his truck, landing in the water far below.

Mrs. Vaniva being taken off the DEMH

Responding to a 911 call made by the injured Mrs. Vaniva, first responders employed several small boats to attempt a water rescue.  While the man was recovered, he later died from his extensive injuries, which included internal bleeding, a punctured lung and plenty of broken ribs, just to name a few.  One thing likely not caused by the water, was his open pants and his withered pink ” torpedo” bobbing in the water.  A look inside the truck revealed just why Mr. Hill was so late in his reaction time to seeing the golden scooter in front of him.  No, it wasn’t aging reflexes but rather that his attention was diverted to a litany of porn mags that were strewn about the cab.  Piece that together with his exposed Johnson and you can figure out just why he had only one hand on the wheel.

The Busted Knuckle towing crew, including Mr. Vaniva, were called onto the scene to remove the ice cream truck quickly, effectively preventing it from falling on the rescue crew in the water below.  They also scooped up what was left of the poor scooter but sadly, it was no longer salvageable and as such, Mr. Vaniva has decided to make a cash donation to the shelter in lieu of the unfortunate accident.   EMT’s Melangell Dylasari-Bellic, Jade Vetrillo and NPC Matt Resshopper where on scene to stabilize the injured editor before sending her off to the DEMH for further treatment.  She had a compound fracture in her left forearm, a head wound that required stitches and varying degrees of road rash.  New returned Dr. Fudge Placebo-Nihil performed surgery to place pins in Mrs. Vaniva’s injured arm and released the sedated woman to return home several hours later.  Despite her injuries, we expect her back running the Daily in no time at all.

Vance Clayton, DE Daily Reporter