Officers square off with the Axe Bandit

Mid day Tuesday, DEPD officers were called to Slim Goodies diner, home of the greaseburger and apparent criminal playground.  This time reports stated a man was attempting to rob the place while threatening the poor waitresses with an axe.  Whether this was a sort of gang initiation, retaliation for some kind of slight, or sudden compulsion once he discovered he’d left home with an axe in hand is unknown but reports state upon noticing Rookie Officer Rune Garnet and Corporal Tarra Thorton at the door, he decided to forgo his modest score from the register and make a mad dash for freedom.  The, as of yet, unidentified man (seen above) was aided in his attempt by a woman, Alexis Valentini who did everything she could to impede the progress of Officer Garnet, including flopping her lithe body upon his at one point.  With a taste of fresh air in his lungs, the Axe Bandit flung his weapon of choice at Corporal Thorton, the handle smacking into her shoulder, causing an otherwise well aimed tazer shot to miss its mark and allowing the man to escape.

Viewed as an accomplice, Ms. Valentini was booked on a handful of charges.  Officers hope that any information she can provide along with what can be gleaned from the diner’s CCTV footage will help them track down the Axe Bandit.

“Paul Bunyon he ain’t.  When I find him, I’m going to chop him down to size… and I will find him.” Corporal Thorton

Anyone recognizing the Axe Bandit as seen above or come across him, please contact the DEPD immediately but do not approach, particularly if he’s walking around town with a tool meant for chopping wood in his hands.

Vance Clayton, DE Daily Reporter