It was a hot night in the old town on Saturday, when the grand re-opening of the Icky Quicky was brought to a close in dramatic fashion by a blast. At around 6pm local time festivities were interrupted by the arrival of a masked vigilante on a gaudy motorbike, carrying a megaphone and denouncing the shop’s owner Yama Werefox as a “Rapist son of a saggy goat’s c**t.”

Icky Opening Interrupted

According to witnesses on scene at the time, the woman’s voice was disguised by the mega-phone as she made her reasons for the attack known. “She sounded like a robot-frog and seemed only interested in provoking the shop owner dude.” said one bystander “But damn. That ass.” An officer on scene attempted to break up the stand-off between the masked woman and the shop’s owner but to no avail and people were forced to dive for cover when she lit an apparently doused rag  and slipped it into the gas tank before running off in the direction of the city car-park. The explosion could be heard a mile away.

Vigilante Revenge: Bike bonfire outside the Icky Quickie

Minor injuries were sustained by several event attendees but no serious damage was done.  According to one mechanical expert “the tank must have been on empty. A blast like that could have taken out half the town.” The bike was reported to have belonged to Mr Werefox but could not be salvaged once the fire was extinguished, leaving only a husk. DEFD response time was well within the county standard and firefighters fought the blaze valiantly. A small incident occured afterwards with a volunteer, Barley Alsop, accidentally dousing one spectator of disaster with a firehose.

A police investigation is ongoing.