I was sitting at home last week doing nothing, like usual, when Dr. Phil came on TV with a segment about online gaming. Now, I’m not one to play video games very often. I mean, I can barely turn on the wii. But this story……  Dr. Phil Visits Second Life …… caught my eye and I just had to look up the game online.

The Second Life website said I could be anybody I wanted to be. Bitchin! Soon, I had downloaded the latest version of a viewer called Firestorm. I had picked out an avi that caught my eye. I was going to be known as Schlong Johnson. Whores be all faintin’.

After a few hours of exploring, I found this thing called Role Play. Basically it’s like one of those “Choose your own adventure” books from when you were a kid – but Adult style. I found a place that looked promising – despite the poorly chosen name for the town. Lag End. There was Lag End Daily News, a bar at the center of town named MooMoo’s, a bookstore called Queen Latifa’s, and a cute little coffee shop called Pink Tuna. In the lower part of town they have a district called the Blue Light District – maybe because the ‘merchandise’ is cheap quality and half off.

This virtual city is where Schlong would make his stand.

Now the point of the whole role play concept is to make the story flow. There are certain ways to phrase things so you don’t do this thing called Metagame. However, I quickly found out that some will metagame no matter what. Tit for Tat, is what I always say.

You can purchase a car from the Second Life Marketplace and drive it around town, but note that you will need a license and some patience. They call it Lag End for a reason.

Lag End even has a police force. Can you believe that? Three of my favorite cops in this new virtual world are Ring, Moxy, and Lanora. Like the Three Stooges, they are always up for a good time. At least that’s what the graffiti in the men’s room of the casino says.  But steer clear of the jail. It smells like old sex and pee. (Some might say that’s the same thing.)

The hospital, yes, hospital……… is quite pleasant actually. If the door to the basement is open you can hear the mental patients screaming. But beyond that, the staff is exceptionally professional and their use of antibiotics on my ‘work related injury/infection’ cleared the oozing right up. Speaking of work……

They suggest that you get a job in Lag End so that you can become ‘Immersed’ in the roleplay and story lines. So Schlong got a job. Making porn movies. Someone queue the ‘Bow-chicka-wow-wow’ music. On the side, my avatar also works as a hair dresser in the local beauty salon. I work him there without a shirt on (I call it Schlong Unsheathed) and the ladies love it.

So come on. Sign up. Come join me in making a roleplay storyline together. I know you aren’t doing anything else anyway, except watching Dr. Phil.

All characters appearing in this article are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

moaningtomona@outlook.com