Jaded Lovers: Rise Matusoto (left) seen possibly praying to her cannibal god. Convo Garron (right) apparently needing to pee.

Corvo Garron and Rize Matsumo, the new owners of the Jade Dragon Restaurant and rumored cannibals, were arrested Monday night on suspicion of kidnapping. The young couple, who may or may not be secretly serving human flesh to their unsuspecting customers, have been charged with kidnapping, torturing and gnawing small bits off of Vie MacClawden, owner of Pharaoh’s Book Shop. Garron and Matsumo apparently first became interested in Ms. MacClawden at the recent Spunks R’ Us “Oil Wrestling Event” in the RLD.  Presumably, the alleged eaters of people thought that the woman coated in oil looked delicious and couldn’t resist bringing her home for a late night nosh. Or rather, as a late-night nosh.

Sergeant Tarra Thornton (left) with officers Molle Athelisa (center), Mitt Vernichtung (right), and Lt. Roxy Smythe (not in photo) as the raid starts.

The pair were arrested in the basement of the Jade Dragon by four members of the DEPD   — led by Sergeant Tarra Thornton, with a late, surprise assist by Captain Shade Manx (who burst into the cellar through an underground entrance driving a motorcycle and flying tackled Garron) — none of whom have ever been accused of eating people. The same cannot be said of Garron and Matsumo, who were described by Officer Mitt Vernichtung as, “Cannibals.”  Officer Vernichtung accused Garron and Matsumo of kidnapping Ms. MacClawden — a former girlfriend of Vernichtungs — as revenge on him, because he “dared to step in and stop them from taking a bite of someone.”  After a struggle with the officers, where two were wounded, the man-eating duo was finally brought into custody. Presumably, they will not be permitted to eat their cellmates.

Capt. Shade Manx, arresting Garron after tackling him from a moving motorcycle. A move dubbed “The Shade Spear Roll” by Sgt. Thornton.

While the Jade Dragon may be the first restaurant in Dead End to be owned by alleged cannibals, there have been instances of restaurants serving human flesh before.  Last March, Dion Lambert and members of his Cult of Belial took over Slim Goodies diner, forcing customers to eat people steaks.  And last October, an outside catering company snuck human hors-d’oeuvres into the buffet at Lulu’s Halloween event.  All this leads one to speculate that the real villains in Dead End, are the lax health food inspectors.

-DE Daily Reporter, Jennie Irelund