Mitt : Complicated Family Father? OR Cult Daddy?

Self professed , Cult Daddy Mitt VanderSmuttStock is back in the spotlight , this time it isn’t father of the year folks! Recently I was given cause to ask myself …. Just what is he? Loving ‘Family’ Father? or worse than The Preacher Dad in Footloose? I say he is the latter! Extreme religious zealot preying on the innocent of Dead End. He has forbidden star crossed lovers…misogynist and beautiful gazelle, Bexley Kozel , from seeing, local Councilwoman & pale beauty ,the woman that looks as if she has stepped off the canvas of a Degas painting , and my best friend Peni. Peni needs no last name , she is famous like I just said , but for those of you that are stupid heads … it’s Peninnah Ainsley the first , and only.
Mitt went on a days long Twitter rant forbidding the 2 from communicating. I am no fan of ” The Family” and their hatred of all things beautiful aside from Bexley and Ayase , BUT I super hate that they hate love, UNLESS prearranged by Mr. Vernichtung ! Even his last name ..Vernichtung means ‘ I forbid true love in German.. ‘. Mitt I am asking you… from Reporter to Father ..Ren to Dad ..Lieutenant to. Cult Dad …. PLEASE let dear sweet Bexley do as she pleases , Or I will report you to the NCAA , The National Cultist Amour Association. I don’t want sanctions imposed on you guys . Cult Daddy. Let them dance! Let them frolic in corn fields , and drive tractors! Please Mitt, don’t be a dick. Think of your flock ….like a flock of seagulls. Now let them cut loose Footloose, kick off those culty shoes Please, Mitt please , pull them off of their knees Jess!, get back, come on before we crack, Lose the booze , everybody cut footloose! I just wrote that! I am sort of a genius.. but seriously Mitt… butt out!
Sadly …we have had to add a solemn ending to this piece both Peni the beloved and her friend … Bexley something.. died tragically, trying to escape the wrath of Mitt. For shame Mr Vettershluut. The eyes of Dead end are upon you and judging harshly.