Pagan Newport-Yheng: Hometown Hero, or Hometown Heathen?

“You Either Die A Hero, Or You Live Long Enough To See Yourself Become The Villain” – Source Unknown

A beautiful man we all know and love, until after reading this.

In the city of Dead End, we’re surrounded by villains. A couple of months ago I had the pleasure of meeting one local hometown hero, Pagan Newport-Yheng.  The bright eyed beauty seemed to have it all so together, for God and for country. Proudly serving our denizens as not only our District Attorney, but long standing, and upstanding, City Council Member, no one can quite prepare themselves for the darkness that is about to be revealed. You may want to take a seat.

You may recall in our previous exposé, this summer our city was infiltrated by FBI agents. One name in particular you may recall, FBI Agent Miguel Romero, was brutally murdered with a gunshot wound to the head outside of the Red Herring. If you look close enough, you can still see the blood stains on the side walk. As your head reported, I worked first hand on this case with both Pagan Newport-Yheng and Mitt Vernichtung. From their own lips, they told me the evidence was profound. A real case was in development here, and I intended to stay with them the whole way, from prosecution to indictment, until Agent Romero’s cold blooded killer was behind bars.

Readers, this is where you should be asking yourself – it is 2018. Why was Agent Romero’s killer never charged?

I had the same question, so I reached out to the FBI. I had the privilege and honor of meeting with lead on the case, Agent Will H. Urtu. While I wish I didn’t have to report this to you all, it is my duty to provide the news, unbiased and accurate in full. Our hometown hero, Pagan Newport-Yheng, is not quite the hero at all. Not a victim of circumstance, not a story of someone snapping under too much stress. It seems, all along, he has been a villain working against us.

With charges of embezzlement running rampant in City Council, our denizens forced to face harsh winter road conditions with no plows, no salt, and no city assistance at all – one has to wonder. Was prior Councilwoman Aisley conspiring alone? From the evidence I’ve gathered, it seems not at all. Our hometown hero had his own gains. 

Pagan Newport-Yheng is a thief, plain and simple. Of our hearts, our wallets, and our dignity – none of which he deserves. For if you kill a killer, the number of killers in the room remains the same. Mr. Newport-Yheng may of led the investigation to remove corruption from City Council, but was it all just a cover up?

FBI Agent Will H. Urtu seems to think so, and it’s time we as tax payers know about the pending investigation in to the DA office and it’s corruption. With the case of the murder of Agent Romero being potentially compromised by obstruction – missing evidence, lack of prosecution and furthermore, unorganized and missing files, funds, and audits of book keeping proving more than just numbers coming up short, it’s evident we’ve all had the wool pulled over our eyes by a charming smile and a firm handshake.

I wish I could tell you it stops there, Dead End, but even as I write this more information flows in about the crooked Mr. Yheng. Slowly it seems his cloak is fading and his true colors are being revealed. Social media investigation shows photos of your tax payer funded representation committing arson on his own bar, The Jury Room. Likely another scam to collect insurance dollars knowing his time is running thin. We at the Dead End Daily wouldn’t be surprised if the defense tries to pull an insanity claim. We must not be complacent. We most not accept this.

A photo posted by Mr. Newport-Yheng himself, presumably exposing that he set his own bar on fire in a cry for attention. We don’t expect this insurance claim to go through.

Yet another heartbreak is too much for us to handle, dear readers, and we must not let this come in vain. We must rally, in the streets, literally and metaphorically to ensure that this villain is brought to justice. Agent Will H. Urtu assures me charges will be brought against Mr. Newport-Yheng, but it’s simply not enough. As we know, when the system fails us, we must do what the system will not and make ourselves heard. Here’s how you can get involved:

Sign the petition for Pagan Newport-Yheng to step down from his position in City Council here.

Visit the District Attorney office in protest, file complaints with the Office of Attorney Regulation Counsel here.

Feeling brave? Perhaps you want to tell Mr. Newport-Yheng how you feel directly. You can reach him at 555-5555.

As for this reporter, should this deceitful criminal in question be reading this article, I leave you with this:

 The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.

Your time in Dead End is up. –Rebecca Rickroll, Dead End Daily News

A criminal exposed.