Letter to the Editor From A Serial Stalker
Dear Fancypantsy Paper woman. We’re inviting you all to a little game o, rules are easy, if you’re going to sin, do it right. Lidia Blackheart, a Sloth. That was her sin, sitting in her little store supplying the drugs that rattle your brains and make this city too lazy to anything but moan. She got her lashes and was left with the mark of redemption, though I’m... Read More
Police Use Violence to Enforce Curfew
Prior to the landing of our meteor, we wrote about how the DEPD and DEFD had joined forces to remind the citizens about the mandatory 11pm curfew by unleashing the powerful fire hose upon citizens in the square. It was a clear warning that it was time to get inside. After the meteor struck and some unnamed hooligan felt the need to remove a chunk of it, we reminded you that... Read More
Editor’s Letter to the Clown and His Employer
It has come to my attention that certain people believe they can dictate what this paper reports about by using threats and intimidation. Last evening one of my employees was attacked by a cowardly cretin who was so ashamed of his deeds he felt the need to wear clown make up while beating a boy half his size with a baseball bat and shouting threats. Presumably the same “man”... Read More
Letter to the Editor from Bean
Dear Awesome people of Dead End, I wanted to say I’m sorry for the terrible damage that happened during my peaceful protest. I didn’t want those things to happen in the city we call home. The actions taken by both sides saddens me. The people of this city are decent and deserve better than that in their streets. I wanted peace and love, and it turned out violent and... Read More
The Face of Corruption
Chief Dan Anderson, Rapist? Bully? Not too long ago I did an editorial welcoming Chief Dan Anderson to the DEPD and to Dead End. Now, a few short weeks later.. I have the sad misfortune of telling the good people of Dead End just what sort of fellow our new police chief is, for how can we expect our police department to be run properly when we seem to have hired the biggest criminal... Read More
A letter from the desk of Capt Manx.
Dear People of Dead End, You might not know this but when I started working in Dead End I was a reporter. I was able to report about a serial rapist who dressed as Santa and tied up his victims in Christmas lights. It was quite the display, but he tried to go after me and failed. Now this holiday season we have the Demonic killer, And I am writing you the good people of Dead End... Read More
Supernatural Entity in the Bird Swarm? You decide!
Note from the Editor: I recently received this letter in the mail and felt the need to share. It brings out a new point of view from a local medical practitioner. Could he be right? Or could he be self medicating? I’ll leave it to you my dear Dead Enders to judge. I am a medical examiner for the city’s hospital. I am a scientific individual with a degree in medicine.... Read More
Death of a Killer: The Irish Killer Hanged by Nexus
The city of Dead End has one less murderer, one less piece of scum, one less threat to worry about. Around 2:30pm on the 2nd, the square in front of Lulu’s was forced to watch as a group, only know as Nexus, hang a wanted criminal. Nexus publicly hanged the Irish Killer, offering it as a ‘gift’ to the people of Dead End. An anonymous 911 call came in, saying that... Read More
Dead End voted ‘Worst Place to Live – Ever’
Best City Magazine, has announced yesterday afternoon that Dead End and the surrounding areas, have for the third time consecutively, won the coveted ‘Worst Place to Live’ award. This is yet another slap in the face for the many residents of the city, many of whom realize Dead End is not like other Cities. But for them, this could blow their property values and ruin... Read More
Double Trouble: POV of a Bystander
Lulu’s can be described as a very popular destination to many. To cops, civilians, muggers, and small woodland creatures alike, Lulu’s is the place to be. On the night of the 17th, it was the location of two siblings…Twins, one male and one female. The only pictures available of the two can be seen above and at the bottom of this article. Unfortunately, there... Read More
