THIS PHOTO REPRESENTS THAT A CRIME HAPPENED. Death, blood, murder, despair. Early this morning a woman found a dead homeless man in an alley behind Dead End Memorial Hospital, this would not normally surprise anybody in the illustrious Dead End City. The exception is this – the man seemed to have died with an erection and had a sharpened candy cane sticking out of his neck.... Read More

Glitter ISIS

Victim Always The Victim (Editor’s note we have no idea.) Glitter Isis On January 11, 2017, chaos struck in DE, when an innocent was tormented by a ruthless gang of Hellcats, as she was used for the sole purpose of a cruel joke and for their own amusement. Strapping a bomb around the woman she was forced to head out into the streets of Dead End. From Lulus and throughout the... Read More

Local Charity Victim Of Terrorist Attack

With the recent flooding and it’s aftermath dominating the news in Dead End over the past week or so an incident that happened a night or two before the storms began has only just come to light terrifyingly it appears to be yet another terrorist attack in our city this time on a local charitable organization that helps the city’s homeless population. Sometime during... Read More

Rash Of Rapes Hits Dead End City Again

Over six rapes have been reported in Dead End City this month, coinciding with summer floods occuring in Dead Drop and Dead Fall, its two adjacent neighborhoods. This worrying news comes close on the heels of a murder at the city carnival committed by Barley Alsop and Cherry that was solved over a week ago by officers Anjel Masala and Cleo Mavendorf. Police captain Tarra Thorton... Read More

Missing Person – Penelope Whitaker

Apparently Penelope Whitaker, sister to Ottilie who used to be a reporter for this paper has gone missing as of the first of June.  Her parents received evidence she had been kidnapped and they as well as Ottilie are looking for any information regarding her whereabouts and wish that anyone who has such please contact them.  Read More

DEPD Most Wanted List: Magnum Vectoscope

Magnum Vectoscope Considered Armed and EXTREMELY Dangerous! Citizens are warned not to approach. Should anyone have any information on the whereabouts of this citizen please contact the DEPD directly. There is a $500 reward for information leading to the arrest of this suspect. Again, citizens are advised not to approach the suspect directly.  Read More

REWARD: Missing reporter

Anyone with information on missing reporter K. Villota and her kidnapper. Please contact Cara Gambino at the Daily and Capt. Tarra Thorton at the DEPD. A reward is being offered for information that leads to Villota’s safe return. K. Villota  Read More

Reporter Attacked With Screwdriver By Blood Drinker In Lulu’s

At 5:37 a.m. on Feb. 9 Lenore Manson, a known criminal with long purple hair wearing a black trenchcoat entered Lulu’s Bar and Grill.  She attempted to pour her own beer but spilled it out on the ground. When offered water by a local reporter who is known to moonlight as a bartender, Manson pulled out a screwdriver from her coat attacked the reporter with it. She then threw... Read More

District Attorney Cara Crowe arrested for murder

  Dead End District Attorney Cara Crowe was arrested outside her office last week for murder in the first degree for killing priest Reverend Jones, of the Templar movement, and for possession of a controlled substance. The murder of Jones took place in public April 28, 2015. The reverend’s decapitated body was found outside Lulu’s nailed to a wooden cross. “He... Read More

District Attorney Cara Crowe Tased In Office

by K. Villota On Jan. 1, a group of anonymous masked women broke into the District Attorney’s office, taking a woman and a man hostage while ransacking the office. The police attempted to arrest them, bringing with them multiple vehicles, but the masked women fled in a red bus after a policewoman was injured in the commotion. The kidnapped woman was tased and several others... Read More