DEPD Shocking Exclusive: Case of the Kidnapping Cop
On the night of April the 11th, 23 year old Kahlen Vaniva was walking home from the Asian District. She was normally very careful of prowlers and other violent criminals. However, when confronted by a prowler that doesn’t need the shadows to hide in, what could the young lady do when faced with a prowler that has instead, a badge. Yes, readers, instead of protecting people this reporter has learned... Read More
Who Polices the Paper?
As Editor, it is my hard job to try and sift through the sources and facts of an article, especially those that are controversial. The paper will always be hated by someone in a story that involves even the mildest conflicts. So, when the Daily News received a rebuttal from the DEPD about the latest editorial ‘Who Will Police the Police’ it wasn’t surprising to see what came off as desperate attempts to discredit us. It wasn’t going to be run initially... Read More
Who Will Police the Police?
Shock and panic occured at Lulu’s today as this reporter captured live images of this fallen young man. Clearly a deadly mix of drugs and alcohol was a factor in his tragic fall. This reporter has discovered that the victim is none other than one of Dead End’s “finest” Nick Courtois. I would be remiss to assume that a police officer’s personal life need not be called into question, however, if that personal life is destructive, what does... Read More
DEPD: Ready to Rumble
In the past, the Dead End Police Department was more likely to grumble than rumble as they tried to serve and protect with outdated equipment and a deteriorating building. The same can be said today, though, as any passerby can see that their new cruisers and newly renovated building is much more equipped and ready to handle the elevated crime rates that have been recently plaguing the city. While we hadn’t been able to take a tour, it was easy as pie to pay some of... Read More
Santa Claus Rapist Caught
Dear Santa, This year for Christmas I want a picture for Christmas. Not just any picture but a picture of you. Oh, what’s that Santa? You say you already sent me one or is that two? Well you sexy reindeer humping pervert how sweet of you! Well would you look at that? Your belly isn’t fat like a bowel full of jelly. Looking at the lack of a bulge in that pimp ass dollar store Santa suit you really are hung like an elf. Santa could you answer this reporter’s... Read More
Jumper by the Docks
As the night wore on in Dead End there was a call on the 911 hotline. There was a man on the other end who according to sources was distraught about something in his life. The man was on the ledge and he was ready to jump. The police officer who answered the phone tried everything to keep the man from jumping, even resorting to what many would consider to be the highest of religious texts. The man would not be swayed from his decision, and leapt from the roof of a sixth... Read More
Lulu’s Bar and Grill Back From The Dead?
In a stunning display of community togetherness brought to you by the Dead End Police Department, the disaster at Lulu’s is well on its way to being cleaned up. A team of community volunteers came together and started the hard job of clearing rubble and cleaning the once hopping establishment today. After the raids and possible misunderstandings of the day, it just goes to show what kind of people this town really has. Taking time from their personal lives to come together... Read More
Details on the Collapse of Lulu’s Bar And Grill
A source in the DEPD, speaking on the promise of anonymity, provided further information about the tragedy: 1. Although the investigation is ongoing, the evidence, at this time, appears to say that the roof collapsed due to structural weakness. But sabotage cannot be ruled out until the rubble is removed. 2. There is no danger of further collapse. 3. The condition and identities of the injured have not yet been released. 4. The bar owners have not filed an insurance claim. Read More
Disaster at Lulu’s Bar and Grill
Saturday November 19th –Disaster befell some of the denizens of Dead End last night when the ceiling at Lulu’s Bar and Grill caved in. It happened during a busy period, during the brunch rush, which meant that several people were caught up in the disaster. At least ten people were seriously injured, one of them is still in a coma at Dead End Memorial Hospital, there has also been two reported fatalities. One of the dead women is still as yet unidentified,... Read More
Lulu’s Bar and Grill Owner Nyhali Milena Attacked
Last night at approximately 9:20PM, Nyhali Milena, co-manager of Lulu’s Bar was stabbed once in the side by a woman who called herself “Luna”. The attack, which this reporter witnessed first-hand, was apparently unprovoked. Co-manager Marek Treves, who was standing beside Ms. Milena, attempted to push Luna away. As this was occurring, one of the dancers rushed off the stage and shielded the victim with her own body, going as far as to tear off part of her costume... Read More
