WANTED by the Church of St Hank and the Rehabilitation program… For crimes against humanity, including but not limited to… Necrobeastialanalbuttsex, rubbing against barn yard animals, taking the Lords name in Vain, tearing the tags off of pillows, not keeping the sacrament holy, stealing Girl Scout Cookies, Kidnapping, Possibly homoerotic behavior under a Pence Vice Presidency, Protesting The Peach crayon calling for it to be called Flesh, Chicken fucking,... Read More

Body Found in Front of Daily Offices

The police were called to a grisly scene in front of our very own office this week. A woman’s body was found on the sidewalk just steps away from the Daily doors. Sources say it appears the victim was subjected to a brutal sexual assault that may have involved a blade of some kind based on the wounds. There was also a word carved into her chest, but the words were unintelligible. On the woman’s torso, however, the words “Mano de la Muerte” were very visible.... Read More