Drunk & Jealous Officer Causes Dramatic Scene
An array of on strike DEPD officers, including Chief Marty Kells make a scene on the basketball courts mere hours after the strike is announced. It didn’t take long for the On Strike DEPD officers to create a ruckus. In the early morning hours just after the strike was announced several local police officers were found drunk and ever so disorderly at the basketball courts. Within moments of standing quietly about this reporter learned that when not on patrol the officers... Read More
DEPD Settles Some Business, Jail Cells Overflowing With Prisoners
Remember that part in The Godfather when Michael says “Today I settle all family business” and proceeds to take out each and every one of his rival dons? Well, today was a bit like that for the DEPD, only there was no Moe Greene taking a bullet in the eye. Instead, Captain Marty Kells promise to crack down on crime truly took off as the jail cells filled up with arrest after arrest. It started with Uncle Bob and Maynad Selby, at the attempted truck heist... Read More
Meet the DEPD’s New Captain: Martina Kells
Police Chief Marty Kells Some of you might have noticed some new men and women in uniform walking the streets of our town over the past few weeks. And those of you who keep track of our officer’s rank might notice there’s been a number of promotions and demotions of late, most notable, the appointment of Martina Kells to Captain. Having arrived in DE “a little lost and unprepared for the violence”, Marty chose to join the police so she could... Read More
Second Tormentor In Police Chief’s Assault Arrested
Stuffed into a patrol car ” Peaches ” is arrested for a number of violent crimes. Saturday the 12th was a banner day for newly appointed Chief of Police Marty Kells. It marked the arrest of the last of her attackers. A woman known only as ” Peaches” was spotted in Lulu’s and reported by an anonymous 911 call. The woman, learning she’d been reported or perhaps sensing something was amiss fled the popular watering hole in favor of the local... Read More
Police Raid Porn Studio
Friday at No Escape Productions turned into a bit of a ruckus for the on site crew working to do set building and maintenance. Expecting a quiet night with Ms. Lucchessi in jail and no filming scheduled the group of unionized workers were shocked to see the Police Chief herself, perhaps out for a bit of revenge, and several other officers showed up to serve a search warrant on the premises in hopes of turning up further evidence from Chief Kells’ run in with the porn... Read More
