Moaning to Mona – Virtual Worlds
I was sitting at home last week doing nothing, like usual, when Dr. Phil came on TV with a segment about online gaming. Now, I’m not one to play video games very often. I mean, I can barely turn on the wii. But this story…… Dr. Phil Visits Second Life …… caught my eye and I just had to look up the game online. The Second Life website said I could be anybody I wanted to be. Bitchin! Soon, I had downloaded the latest version of a viewer called Firestorm.... Read More
Drop in 911 Calls? NO WAY!
While having a few drinks after work one evening, the subject of City crime came up. I know….I’m a gossip/advice columnist, so what business do I have talking about City crime? Well, stick with me for a few minutes and lemme ‘splain. We here at the Daily keep pretty close tabs on crime statistics. Maybe it’s a carry over from when the Daily had a vendetta against the police department. (Note that we would never stoop so low again. Wink wink.) But whatever... Read More
Moaning to Mona
MILF vs GILF Imagine my surprise when an older woman barged into my office at the Daily and jambed a paper into my hand, insisting that I publish her response to the MILF article from a few days ago. I’ve edited it, of course, to protect the identity of the good Lieutenant at the PD. “I must confess that after I read the ‘MILF’ column in a recent newspaper edition, I had to ask around about the meaning. I guess you’re never too old to learn... Read More
Moaning to Mona the MILF
The return of the MILF After a somewhat extended absence, Mona has decided that it’s high time to grace DE with her relationship advice again. Whyyyyyy……you ask? Well, because she was sitting at Lulus a few weeks ago and a rather nice looking fellow – a fireman perhaps – sat down next to her and struck up a conversation with these words, “Hey, sweetie. I’m getting some serious MILF vibes from you.” He immediately felt... Read More
Moaning to Mona
Dear Mona: I’m married to the love of my life. My wife is a beautiful woman, 50 years old, in great shape and she looks 35. My problem is whenever we go out, if I ask her to wear something sexy for me, she always says, “I’m too old to dress like that” and refuses. However, when she dresses for work, she spends hours on her appearance and dresses very sexy. I have told her it bothers me, but she says I’m being silly and she just wants... Read More
Moaning to Mona
Dear Miss Mona, I have been in Dead End now for almost a year, and I am totally upset at the dating scene here, seems there are more crazies and criminals than there are nice guys or even girls for that matter. Do you recommend any particular singles scene in this town for those looking for love? Thank you – Miss Lonely Hearts. Dear Miss Lonely, Instead of telling you where to go to find ‘love’. I think I’ll just take you on a linguistic... Read More
Moaning to Monica
Dear Mona, The other morning, I woke up with frosting smeared on my breasts and a strange taste in my mouth. To make matters worse, I soon discovered that when I went to do my morning routine, I had glitter in my undies. I have no memory of the night before, but after reading the newspaper, I’m afraid that I might have gotten a good dose of X from the big pink cake incident. Things may have gotten out of hand. Sincerely, Glittery Barking Spider Dear... Read More
Moanin’ to Mona
Dear Moaning Mona, I am a married man who hasn’t seen his wife for over a year and well, I have…you know….urges. My problem is I like this young lady in uniform who is in a relationship as well, but I don’t think her girlfriend would like me to….well, you know. Wink wink, nudge nudge. What should I do? Should I follow my baser urges and just go for it and try to bring her over to the other side or just continue in my lonely celibacy? Please... Read More
Moanin’ to Mona
This week’s question is a little ‘fruity’……… My girlfriend’s ejaculation has yet to taste better despite her constant consumption of pineapples. What should I do? Spray sugar water? Signed, Feeling Fruity Dear ‘Fruity’, This is a new one to me, and I actually had to Google this most serious of problems. After several hours of ‘fruitless’ research, picture searches that totally violated the NSFW policy here at... Read More
Moanin’ to Mona
Hey there, citizens of Dead End! I’m here to help ya’ll solve those pesky personal problems that you just can’t tell your best friend, or local bartender. Need advice? I’m your girl!! Let’s take a look at this weeks ‘furry’ little problem! Dear Mona, I got bit by a rat last week, and now I think I’m turning! I have urges now…cheese…skulking around in the sewers…hairy men. Please help! Signed, Furry Urges Well... Read More
